I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize