my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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