I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
