I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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