dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i barfeds in our rink
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think my moral compass just broke
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
