No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
