You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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