party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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