dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
