I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't deserve a penis
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
