I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
