Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just puked most of my soul out..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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