i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
