My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You took a bar mat shot.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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