Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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