I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
