Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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