Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
