Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
