True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
