whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
