Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
