like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
