Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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