just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
