We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we're making bets on your personal life
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
