Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize