It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You're like the curious george of whores
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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