i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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