she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
COCAINE IS GR8
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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