also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize