Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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