How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize