It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she told me i tasted like america
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize