You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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