You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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