I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
