Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
