i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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