dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
