Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
