Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
