How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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