i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
