He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
