I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
