any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
