If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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