Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
