It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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