hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
