how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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