i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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