Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
