he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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