i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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