FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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