You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
