She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
