just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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