he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
