Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude i'm inner monologue high
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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