A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
