no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize