Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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