17 year olds will be the death of me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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