Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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