He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
