fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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