I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
