Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
