the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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