Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
