The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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