redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
