you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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