I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
