the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
