Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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