I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
