Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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