I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
