You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
