We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
