In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
