i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
be right there i have to get my cape
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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