i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
