You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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