Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
