Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
