dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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