No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
