did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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