Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
