One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
