i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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