I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We are all done wearing pants today
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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